#quote said by #NeilGaiman … All honestly I’ve always hated love, & would of stood by this easily. Love, it really is one of the most overused words. Too many people say it without meaning, they just love the idea of being inlove, but then someone always gets hurts in the end. Love I mean it really is something were taught since children, from fairytales & movies. But me I never really believed in it, to me it was always something from, well just a fairytale & I never cared for it, until recently. I’ve watched my sister marry the man of her dreams, I’ve seen her be happy & even upset with this man, but most of all I’ve watched her change but also be the same person she is, I’ve seen her become a better person because of one man. True I’ve never believed in love but I’ve also never had someone worth keeping in my life, someone worth fighting for, worth trying for, atleast until recently. & truth be told I know I’m no where near perfect, I’m quiet & I don’t open well to people, it’s something that’s always been hard on me, cause I really don’t trust a lot of people at all, I have my problems & I know that, but I also know something I always thought was just a fairytale and a myth, is something that actually happened to myself. Maybe things I never thought could change, could. Being in love is beautiful but also scary as you become vulnerable. We open ourselves to let that person crush you yes, but maybe it’s worth it to allow yourself to love or fall inlove again.
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#quote said by #NeilGaiman … All honestly I’ve always hated love, & would of stood by this easily. Love, it really is one of the most overused words. Too many people say it without meaning, they just love the idea of being inlove, but then someone always gets hurts in the end. Love I mean it really is something were taught since children, from fairytales & movies. But me I never really believed in it, to me it was always something from, well just a fairytale & I never cared for it, until recently. I’ve watched my sister marry the man of her dreams, I’ve seen her be happy & even upset with this man, but most of all I’ve watched her change but also be the same person she is, I’ve seen her become a better person because of one man. True I’ve never believed in love but I’ve also never had someone worth keeping in my life, someone worth fighting for, worth trying for, atleast until recently. & truth be told I know I’m no where near perfect, I’m quiet & I don’t open well to people, it’s something that’s always been hard on me, cause I really don’t trust a lot of people at all, I have my problems & I know that, but I also know something I always thought was just a fairytale and a myth, is something that actually happened to myself. Maybe things I never thought could change, could.

Being in love is beautiful but also scary as you become vulnerable. We open ourselves to let that person crush you yes, but maybe it’s worth it to allow yourself to love or fall inlove again.

It’s been so long since I wrote or done anything on here

I just been so caught up with my sister’s wedding coming up soon and just a few other things my mind has been all over… Anyhoo things are good in my life, I’m slowly working on a cosplay, but cause the wedding and work and the bf I haven’t worked on it much, but I’m making one of the heavy armor’s for the high elf from the rpg game Tera (ill post pics soon :) ), it’s coming along smooth just don’t have much time for it atm… Other then that the sister’s wedding is a week and a half away so I been so busy helping with that… Then the bf, things are great, well there good, he’s amazing that’s not the problem. It just bothers me that I feel so hidden, I understand why he’s not open about being with me, but that doesn’t change that I really actually hate it, I hate having to hide who I’m with, I also hate that even after a year his ex has still left a spot in his mind, but she was the first girl he’s opened up too then she just goes and throws someone so amazing aside like trash. I know that is something hard to get over and it does leave its mark for a long time. I know that’s also why he’s so defensive with me, I know I’m not perfect, I have my faults just like anyone else but I love this man with all my heart. I honestly can’t remember the last time I let myself be with someone out of love, I’ve always dated out of loneliness or just cause I was comfortable with them since my ex passed away a long time ago, I knew deep in my heart I’d never feel that way again. But with this guy now, it’s different, I can’t really explain it, but all I know is for the first time waiting for someone just feels rite to me, I can’t help the way I feel with him but I don’t ever wanna loose him, he makes me smile everytime, he makes me truly laugh, and even though he can be a jerk and he does pick on me a lot it doesn’t matter to me. With him I don’t want just his good qualities, I want the bad that goes with, whatever the consequence may be. I want him just the way he is. I want him to see that but I know I’m no good with expressing this stuff in person and I don’t want to rush anything because of him. I just hope he knows, I would never do to him what his ex did, I would never toss something so perfect to me because of something so stupid… I love him, no matter the amount of money he makes, I don’t care about things like that, he could drive a shit car have the job he has now even in the future, I don’t mind if it meant me helping out so we could live comfortably, I care about him and his happiness that’s all… I’m not expecting a miracle cause it’s only been since May since we been together so yes roughly 5 month, but I just know, I want this man in my life for as long as I can. Even when I’m sad because of him, I’m still happy ♥

Anyways I’m gonna leave this at that for now, I didn’t expect to vent but I needed to get it down for mostly me to read.

The art of finding your freedom, Is letting go all that is holding you back.

Cliche talk or not,

It’s important to take your freedom, don’t sit around waiting for something good to happen in your life that changes it all. See potential in your own idea’s or the things you come across, small or big, because seeing potential will most likely get you to places or situations of oppertunity. Try to take decisions based on what makes you happy in the long run. Every decision has downsides, but that doesn’t mean that those decisions are wrong. Decisions are always good, Just remember to think them through.

Every word of this is truth. No matter how many times you will hear it. It’s one thing to understand this story, but another to live life this way. Only then you then will wonder why you used to do things differently

www.uk420.com/boards/index.php?showtopic=298031

Shit I actually agree with this woman for the most part, I know back when I use to smoke, smoking half a bowl or something made destress and focus a lot more on things and also made me a lot happier and giggly lol, I never went over the top getting myself plastered, couple times I have and I just get lazy at that point and I don’t like unless it’s a day I should just be lazy lol. I’ve come across a few articles explaining weed is good weed is bad blah blah blah, I’ll give u this, it’s better for u then drinking plus u don’t get the hangover in the end… Maybe just a bit turned on like me lol. I say it depends on the person and how much u smoke, let’s say me smoking half a bowl, it just gives me that happy stress free buzz I need. So you know what, I say f it, if it helps u, smoke don’t care what anyone else says… And now after all this I miss enjoying it. Lol.

Finding out a persons hidden treasures can be the best thing

I call them treasures, because finding out who a real person is on the inside rather then the same person everyone else knows is more important then anything in the world to me. Not everyone needs to know every detail about someone, but when you are one of the few they open up to to tell those hidden treasures about, that feeling it gives me, is indescribable.

Something that bugged me for awhile now, knowing why you act the way you do? & now having you feel comfortable with telling me things like this, makes my heart fill with so much joy. I freeze up like a little child maybe but cause its not what I expected… You know my past, some of what you hear may have been bs but that part you have obviously put a side to give me a chance. Now knowing what you been through, deep in my heart I want nothing but to be there for you. Its to soon for me to fall inlove again, its been years since I truly loved someone & it’s still something that hurts me each day. But knowing who you are, that person in my eyes is still perfect. The joking around, the picking on me, as much of a jerk you can be sometimes, I like it. But seeing the real you, that is the you I have completely fallen for.

My heart is still racing a mile a min, that moment he actually pulled me in to kiss me, everything else just stopped & I’ve never been more happier then in that exact single moment… Ppl say you don’t need anyone to make you happy but I call bs on that, you should always need someone to make you happy, to make you feel on top of the world, that special someone to share special moments with (& that someone can sometimes be an object to, like to a couple ppl I know their car is that special someone)… True you shouldn’t have to rely on someone or something to make you happy always, you do need to be happy with you first. But we do all need that special someone, especially to make us feel alive.

I haven’t posted anything on here in so long :/

Guess life just kinda got in the way, I haven’t been on the comp as much, mostly just at night listing to musik & taking to him. I must say things are going perfect for once in my life. No, I have yet to tell him how I feel, I know there are a couple things I need to do first. But so many times I look at him when we chill & he’s talking to me, my heart races & I just want to kiss him out of nowhere. I don’t want to rush anything, but I don’t want to lose him. But truthfully, if he didn’t have any feelings at all then why do we talk everyday now, why would he call me to ask me to chill & then if I can’t & busy he “jokes around” & make a fuss, why would he hang out with someone that has trouble with opening up to ppl right away, yes now talking to him is much easier since we’ve hung out more & that I know he was never a fake like some friends that pretended to “be my friend”. So I know there is something there, but is it the same as how I feel.
Only time will tell I guess

I really am an idiot…

I really can’t sleep proper until I’ve gotten a hello from him, just a “hi” once in awhile is enough for me… I hate that I’m so quiet & anti social a lot of times, I wish I could hold a conversation & talk to ppl normally, but I can’t & it takes me time to open up to ppl. I wish it was that easy with him but I’m an idiot with talking, my mind goes gibberish & everything I want to say looks all Jabberwocky in that head of mine.
I love that he can talk & I like his personality, even when he is being a jerk. I like that he’s so different from me, although he’s not completely different. & I like the way he makes me laugh & smile & even sigh. Seeing his name pop up on my phone or fb just makes me light up like a little kid getting a present or sweets, even my papas gf knows evertime I hear from him… I really can’t remember the last time someone has made me feel this way.
I don’t need him & I don’t have to talk to him all the time, but I like to hear from him & I like knowing he is in my life. Even if he doesn’t feel the same, I don’t ever want to lose him as a friend.
I want to tell him how I feel, I want to show him that even when he picks on me I still feel special. He’s a big reason I want to fix my messed up heart, just so I can give it to him, even if he doesn’t accept it.
I want to be a better person for myself & fix every wrong for me, I am happy with who I am becoming, but I want to keep this smile I have for myself always going no matter what for him, I want him to see the real me.
I will confess my feelings to him one day, I just hope to god that when that day comes he’s not with another.
So please heart, I know your hurt, I know you are stained & tainted, but I know how you feel for him, you ache everytime just his name appears. If I know you like I think I do I know you will always no matter what feel this way for him.

My god I feel like a child right now >.

Life is repetitive, as history has shown many times we walk in circles & forget to look past us to see the way forward, someone once said this “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it!
sowhat4theworld